I had this favorite dive bar…it no longer exists…
I stopped by one night to grab a burger.
I rarely eat meat, but when I do, it’s medium. I’m picky, but I also try to be as accommodating as possible. I understand that it can be challenging to manage a kitchen, serve multiple guests, etc.
There were three other diners and I was sitting at the bar. I’m a fan of sitting at the bar – you are closer to the person you’re with and you can hear each other better over the din that often accompanies such establishments…but I digress…
I order my burger. “Medium, please.”
I always try to be polite.
When it comes out, it looks delectable. Browned, juicy, mouth-watering. I bit into it – and it’s cold and raw in the center.
I stop.
And I wait. And I wait. And I wait.
Finally, the server comes back.
I point to the burger and say,”Um, excuse me, this is raw in the middle. Can you take it back to the kitchen to get it fully cooked?”
Still being polite, painfully aware I’m now in “spit in your food” territory.
The server looks at it, looks at me down her nose and says, “That’s medium.”
“Excuse me, but it’s actually not. Medium does not have a cold, raw, pink center…ever.”
She says, “Well, Chef was trained at a prestigious steakhouse and knows all about these things. Chef calls this medium.”
I take a breath.
Though I don’t shy away from confrontation, I don’t revel in it either. I weight my options.
I say, “I appreciate your position. I’d like to speak to your supervisor.”
Hands on hips now, more indignant, chin thrust forward she says, “That won’t be necessary. Chef calls this medium.”
I laugh, on the inside…the die has been cast and we are going there.
“Here’s the funny thing about medium, ” I say. “It’s not an opinion. It’s not even a description. It’s actually a temperature and if Chef HAD been trained at a prestigious steakhouse, he or she would know that. It’s far more likely that someone else in the kitchen prepared this. If you take it back to Chef, he or she will certainly agree. Just take it away, take it off the bill, and we’ll call it a wash?”
“Well,” she retorted, “I can’t do that because you already ate it.”
I snorted, “I actually DIDN’T eat it, it’s all there. I took a bite only to discover it is RAW inside…and therefore INEDIBLE to me. So, take it off the bill and we’ll just let this go.”
She grabbed my plate, dumped it into the bin in front of me and said, “I’m not authorized to remove charges for people who have already finished their meals!” She turns on her heel and walks away.
I sat there – smiling, calm, bemused.
I breathed deeply, rose, and walked to the kitchen to ask for the manager. The very pissed off server was hot on my tail.
I respectfully waited at the kitchen door for the manager and then asked to have the conversation back at my seat. I explained the story to the manager, the server hovering over her shoulder – loudly whispering that I had completed my entire meal (evidenced by there being NO plate in front of me) and was trying to defraud the restaurant. I asked her to explain to the manager that we were having a difference about burger temperature and the definition of medium.
To my delight the server repeats, “Chef calls it medium!”
The manager says, “Well then, that shouldn’t be an issue, medium is a temperature. Did you eat the entire burger, ma’am?”
“Nope. In fact, I took a bite, spit it out and it is now resting in the top of the trash bin right in front of you.”
The manager looks down, leans forward, peers into the bin and pulls the mostly intact, mostly raw hamburger out. “Is this the burger in question?” She asks.
The server and I both nod in agreement, the first thing we’ve had in common since this started.
She laughs and says, “Oh, this is NOT medium and the Chef most certainly would agree with me. How would you like us to proceed, ma’am?”
“At this point I just want to NOT pay for an inedible burger, let my companion finish his meal, pay the tab, and be on our way.”
“Of course.” She replies, brings us the check, apologizes again and invites us to come back another time for a visit.
Instead of being a bad memory, this is a funny memory to me.
- It’s one of the first times I met someone who almost convinced me to believe their reality over my own by sheer conviction. I remember shaking my head to clear it each time after we spoke. Conviction, it turns out, is an incredibly powerful thing!
- Just as a single person can cause an interaction to go badly, likewise a single person can right the ship and set everything back on smooth sailing.
- Have your “ask” clearly and calmly in your head when you go into any situation. Tell the person how they can make it better. It doesn’t always work, but if you are talking to someone who has the authority to say “yes”, they will do their best to accommodate you.
- It’s useless to negotiate with someone who can only say “no”.
I keep the title of this story in my phone as a periodic reminder that our lessons don’t always start out looking like lessons. And some lessons teach us more and impact us more than others.
Conviction is powerful. Standing your ground, even when you’re dead wrong, can weaken the resolve of the toughest people. This is particularly good to remember in our current environment.
Just remember – Chef calls this Medium.
