I don’t like being hairy.
Not that I’m particularly hairy, but a friend in high school made a joke about a girl’s mustache and ever since then, I’ve been paranoid…made-a-year’s-worth-of-electrolysis-appointments-the-next-day paranoid.
I’ll let you in on a secret – electrolysis hurts and didn’t help – at least not in my mind.
Ever since then, I’ve been on a search to remove unwanted hair – on my own terms. I can trace my hair obsession to the trigger in every case. Here’s the thing though – whether it’s denial (a desire to not have to acknowledge it enough to pay for regular appointments) or practicality (I hate to spend the money and not see the results) or long term planning (I’ve been looking for “sustainable” grooming since I was in my thirties – things I can do even when money gets tight) – I like my grooming to be done in private. And so, it’s only in recognition of the shared desperation we all have now – that I’m finally coming out into the open and sharing my secrets – a peek behind the bathroom door.
I’ll be methodical here, because it’s how my brain works. I’m going to go in chronological order.
Okay, this method only makes sense to me – humor me.
Lip Fuzz
One joke about a woman’s mustache, two years of electrolysis, numerous failed attempts at bleaching, waxing, plucking – we arrive at today. My beloved R.E.M. spring [affiliate link]. I’m only going to speak to the quality of this one since I’ve used it for over a decade.
Not bad for less than $20!
This little beauty hurts like a bear. I won’t lie. But it works! You can travel with it, drop it in a purse, run a quick twirl across your face anytime you want and you will lose hair at its roots.
- It WILL diminish the hair regrowth over time.
- It WILL remove it over or under makeup (I’ve done both).
- It WILL fit in your travel bag (when we are allowed to travel again!)
- It WILL hurt
Sorry on that last point, but I want to be honest. A couple of little “expert” tips will help you. Practice your twirl (see photo). Seriously – practice. It feels awkward until it doesn’t.
Do it right out of a shower when your pores are most open. Feel free to scream in discomfort and swear at me. I’m tough I can handle it. Have something cold (or warm) to put on your lip after you use it. Do it everyday. It will desensitize you and your brain will tell you it hurts less.
Why oh why would you ever recommend this to us, Christine?!
Well, my darlings, because it is inexpensive, it will last you a lifetime and it will forever be our little secret – once you get the discomfort under control. It works. And even in these tough times, there is no spare hair on my lip. Just saying! Moving on…
Arm Hair
Another overheard comment – someone talking about someone else’s dark arm hair. A friend turned to me and said “You’re arm hair is kind of dark…” That’s all it took.
- Bleach it – Well, light arm hair is MORE noticeable on a person with dark hair. Found out first hand. Good to know.
- Wax it – Other than cost, inconvenience and discomfort, it grows back stubbly. Horrifying. Pass.
- Laser it – I haven’t done it. I had appointments but between cost, inconvenience and my skin tone (I’m NOT on the super light range of the Fitzpatrick Scale because of my propensity to freckle), I decided it wasn’t worth it.
That left me with Nair. Yup. Old School. After all of my searching, I ended up with a bottle of Nair [affiliate link]. I use it once a week and I’m thrilled. Nine minutes of slightly stinky waiting and I’m done. I’ve tried the competitor brands and I’m actually a Nair loyalist. I prefer the Aloe & Lanolin but the Cocoa Butter and Baby Lotion scents work well too. They are all mildly offensive but the smell goes away quickly.
Here’s a bonus, there weren’t any runs on Nair during the grocery store freak out. Seven weeks later and I STILL haven’t seen a roll of toilet paper in a store – but Nair – plenty of it! I can’t even get out of the house and into my car in nine minutes. I’ll take it!
Bikini Line
This was triggered by a passing conversation with a friend…on a beach…about someone else’s bikini line (or poor grooming thereof). I like things “trimmed”. Neat. Tidy. My ears perked up and I paid attention. Sure, I’d hear of waxing – but am I crazy?! Hot wax?! There?! Really?! Who in their right mind would do that?!
Turns out I would…
My bikini aesthetician is a fabulous petite slavic woman who is a pure delight. I see her just before I go on a beach vacation and this little grandmother-esque beauty gives the most thorough brazilian bikini wax a woman could want. I mean – at this point – we are close. Really close. She’s practically family.
But let’s face it, the maintenance of a brazilian bikini wax is not only controversial but time consuming and expensive. Lasers would be an option – but again, controversial, time consuming, expensive and results depend on your skintone.
Absent the ability to travel to far off beaches, I stay “groomed”. Neat and tidy. Nothing too crazy. Nothing as controversial (or painful) as a brazilian – but well-groomed so someone can tell that the neighborhood is looked after. I do this with a compact Remington Bikini Shaver [affiliate link]. I’m sure there are dozen other similar products. My point is, I can groom myself without breaking social distancing. In the comfort of my own home. Without anyone else’s involvement. Miniscule investment, maximum return.
Eyebrows
I more or less ignored my eyebrows until I observed my college roommate sophomore year spent HOURS in front of her mirror every blessed day. Every day. Plucking. She had gorgeous eyebrows. Mine looked more like Brooke Shields rejects. I tried not to overpluck, I tried to exercise caution and restraint. This is inordinately hard for my personality, but I was pretty pleased with my work, until the day I met “the eyebrow queen”.
In fairness I’m the only one that called her that but she was gifted. And she took pity
on my eyebrows and shaped them…and the heavens parted and shown down on my perfect arch.
It wasn’t quite that glorious – but I did have a male co-worker comment on my new brow arch and I was hooked. The only problem was – she lived in another state and our paths only crossed a couple of times a year. Each time we’d see each other, she’d clean my eyebrows up and show me (again!) where my arch should be.
She gave me two tricks. First, the best tweezers you can buy – Tweezerman slanted tweezers [affiliate link]. I’ve tried plenty of other tweezers. Many of them work fine. But Tweezerman tweezers come with lifetime sharpening. Just send them to the company and they will sharpen them back to perfect balanced, working order. That’s quite an investment. So get good tweezers, pull slowly so you get the root, and groom regularly. Second, trim your eyebrows if you need to. I never did before, but now I’m obsessed with it. Trimming and shaping your eyebrows will fix a multitude of sins if you have hairy-ish eyebrows without the risk of tweezing. I swear by Anastasia Beverly Hills Eyebrow Scissors [affiliate link]. I’ve tried others, but these are hands down the best. They are straight (not for you if you prefer curved ones), precise and sharp. You have to be careful with them but you can get such precision. I trim my eyebrows every month or so to keep them shapely. Another small investment that has lasted me a long time and will probably last me a lifetime.
Facial Dermaplaning
My final must-have grooming tool is a new addition to the arsenal. I resisted for the longest time because I couldn’t get onboard with shaving my face. Until I found out my aesthetician did it. Her skin is flawless, porcelain-like. And she swears to me that it’s good skincare product, regular micro-needling and regular dermaplaning.
I’ve known a lot of people that TOLD me they dermaplane, but I’d never seen their skin up close. Wow. All I can say is wow. A simple little tool, a careful grooming routine executed regularly and wow. Wow!
There are tons of dermaplaning tools out there. They can range in price and feature. I’ve only used these Schick Silk Touch-Up Dermaplaning Facial Razors [affiliate link] but I’ve had tons of other ones recommended to me. I think the main thing is, watch some videos, ask around, be careful and be gentle. I was never self-conscious about facial peach fuzz. I still don’t have an issue with it – but I’m all on board with dermaplaning to remove and exfoliate dead skin that we need to remove to have younger, fresher looking skin. You can’t get to the skin without removing the fuzz.
I only dermaplane once a week. I’ve heard of others doing it more frequently. One of the inexpensive blades will last me a couple of months. You can’t beat that value. And it’s noticeable. And I can do it by myself in my own home.
That’s it. All my little secrets, shared between friends. This is my inexpensive low-maintenance version of a high-maintenance woman!
Any tips or tricks to share?
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