My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it.
Mark Twain
In honor of Mother’s Day, I thought I would compile the list of things I learned from my mother. She is one of my big inspirations for how to live and act young even as we grow “wiser”.
Lesson 1: Never Say Anything Bad About Someone
I’m not naive enough to think she doesn’t think bad things sometimes, but I’ve honestly never heard her say anything mean nor be anything but gracious and diplomatic. It certainly cultivates a more positive outlook on life when you have to find the bright side of every situation.
Bonus: This is a huge secret to staying young looking. Positive outlook = fewer frown lines.
Lesson 2: Look at Life with Fresh Eyes
My mother has a sweet, endearing naiveté. Even in her current “wisdom”, there are many things she simply doesn’t know. I’ve inherited this trait honestly. Not only is my mother willing to see and experience each day and moment as new, but she’s fine NOT knowing things. I watched her be completely comfortable with asking “What does that mean?”. It’s oddly empowering knowing that it’s okay not to know everything. Ignorance is okay as long as it’s backed up with a willingness to request education.
One of the great lies we tell kids as adults is that we know things. We don’t know a lot. With the pace of technology, it’s harder and harder to maintain this facade. My mother never even tried.
I now see this wonder and amazement in my mother and it feels open, youthful, curious and accepting.
Lesson 3: Dance Like No One…oh Who Cares if People are Watching!
Ah – the memories of being horrified that my mother would dance, skip, sing in public, or play on a swing set no matter who was watching! She is singularly unaffected by the presence of other people. She is always conscious of other people, but never stifled by them. Her spirit and joy radiate through and just make you smile. She’s a hard person not to be happy around. I aspire to be like her…I’m not quite there.
There is a vitality that comes with being unabashedly yourself!
Lesson 4: Watch Your Weight
She didn’t mean for this to be a lesson but I’ve known my mother’s weight since I could walk. I knew the ups and downs of “watching your weight” but it taught me a valuable lesson. Everything is a choice. If she was unhappy with her weight, she made different choices until she was happy with her weight. This one has taken me a while to get but it’s really about accountability, focus and determination. It may be good, it may be bad, but there it is.
Lesson 5: Let People Be Who They Are
We had the regular conflicts that mothers and daughters have, but for the most part, as long as we did our chores and our grades were good, she would let my sister and me express ourselves. She didn’t care when I shaved part of my head or when my sister got a tattoo. She would simply say, “That’s nice.”
I remember a time when I was small (three or four) and I was playing under the laundry basket. She asked me, “Are you a turtle?”
“Ha!” I scoffed (even at that tender age I was aware that adults could be stupid), “I’m a mushroom!” In fairness, we had recently learned about mushrooms in Montessori school and it left an impression.
She’s known for a LOOOOOONG time that she was raising a weirdo. She never let me know how weird I was. I see now what a gift that was – insulating me from the need to think, look, and act like everyone else.
Lesson 6: Share Your Silly
Packages from my mother are the stuff of legends.
Invariably, when I get a package from my mother, friends and co-workers gather around wondering what it might be. Who knows?! It’s a great mystery!
When I was living in a Alaska, she sent me a care package which included a blue-haired Troll doll with a blue gem in its belly button. “Um, mom. Thanks for the package – but the troll doll?” She shrugged it off. But here I am thirty years later and that blue-haired troll doll is seared in my mind with a moment in time. It never occurred to her NOT to send it to me…without explanation.
Once it was a hand-blown glass manatee (just cuz). Another time it was just a head. No joke. A head. The office was stumped over that one, but I knew. We’d been talking about a halloween wig I’d lent to a friend that needed serious rehab. The head was a for a wig form so I could fix my wig. But no note, no explanation. The mystery of it all.
When she gets the urge to do something silly – or something “mom” – she just does it. No edit. It’s wonderful!
Lesson 7: Laugh…A Lot
My mother has one of those beautiful tinkling laughs. It starts as that little kid chortle that rises from the belly and invites everyone to join along and then it turns into little bells that fade off into the air. She will double over, clutch her stomach and gasp for air. It just makes you want to make her laugh more. The thing is, her laughter is from her own perspective of the world. Things just strike her in a way and she sort of makes herself laugh. She has a great grasp on the funniness and absurdity of life – just enough to appreciate and laugh with it – but not so much that she’s jaded by it.
The balance that my mother dances around daily is a beauty to behold. It leaves her compassionate, grounded, goofy, weird and light-hearted in the most delightful way.
There are tons of practical things I never learned from my mother (probably its own blog one day), but looking at it now, with more wisdom behind me, I think I learned just the right things.
Happy Mother’s Day to all of you out there!
