Resolutions: So many will fail; NOT because they didn’t set goals, but because they didn’t set behaviors.
Steve Maraboli
Every year, right after the new year, I see the old controversy rear – should you set New Year’s Resolutions?
I have friends who are vehemently opposed to the idea of resolutions.
Not me. I embrace them with open arms.
I think the real difference is how you regard a resolution. I’m an action oriented person and I like to achieve goals. To me “resolution” isn’t a bad word – it’s just a word. I achieve my “resolutions” because of my general approach.
What’s the difference between a Resolution and a Goal?
Attitude and planning.
Here’s how I go about Resolution setting:
Find Quiet Time
I think that resolution or goal setting requires quiet reflection. You need to have some space to think. I live in a pretty quiet household but my alone time is in the morning before anyone else is up. I get my tea, find a patch of sunshine and…think.
What did I do in the last year? What do I want to accomplish this year?
Write it all down. Nothing too big, nothing too small at this point. This is just your starting point. Get everything out of your head and onto paper. Go big and don’t hold back. This is just a piece of paper so write your dreams down…we’ll have things to do with them later…I promise!
Organize / Rank Your List
Once your list is done, you need to organize them. You can rank them in order of how significant they are to you. You can order based on focus. Just don’t focus on how realistic they feel…not yet, we are getting there, I promise…pick how important they are to you.
Example: Learn a language, vacation in Bali, redecorate office, organize craft supplies, achieve goal weight, run a 10k, start a blog, spend more time with friends. I could categorize these from “big” to “small”. I could categorize them by “brand new” and “recommitment” or internal versus external or personal and professional.
Pick a Handful of Items
Now that your list is assembled and organized in some manner, it’s time to pick what makes it into this year’s focus. This is where the rubber meets the road. The list has to be realistic and achievable.
You’re thinking – but you just told me to NOT focus on how realistic they feel. Yes, but that’s because we can get in our own ways by limiting our belief in what we can accomplish. The more times we feel it’s achievable and NOT unreachable, the more we overcome a limiting mindset.
There’s a gotcha in there though – achievable is where most people start hating on resolutions. So we can narrow this down. First, it’s important to realize that you can’t commit to doing EVERYTHING. If this is your first stumbling block – that should probably be your resolution for this year.
Recognize I can’t do everything.
Second, you CAN achieve a lot in a year and often those are important and critical steps to realizing a dream (which otherwise feels unrealistic).
I generally try to limit my list to about ten items. Sometimes a little more, sometimes a little less, depending on what the actual list includes.
Order, Organize, Prioritize
Did you think you were done organizing your list? Nope, we still have a little more work to do. At this point you have your Resolutions. The problem is that many people stop at this point. This is why resolutions get a bad rap. It’s not their fault. They are ideas which masquerade as goals but now we have to make these resolutions goals and we have to make them actionable.
So, knowing that you can’t do everything at once AND that you need a plan to accomplish something (even if that plan is just picking what to do first!), we have to decide how to tackle your resolutions.
Obviously this is going to vary based on the specifics of your resolutions, but some can be accomplished in the short term and some may take longer.
Example: The first step to learning a new language is to PICK the language you are going to learn. Then pick HOW you are going to learn and how much you want to learn (or how much time you’ll commit to it) by a certain date. Since something like learning a language is a longer term goal over, say, organizing my craft room (though you haven’t SEEN my craft room!), it makes sense to start on the longer term one first.
Break Goals Into Smaller Steps
I’ve adapted this goal setting approach from how we approach performance goals and appraisals at work. We have to plot a course to success to allow employees to achieve the outcomes we want. In this scenario, I am being my own “employee”.
The resolution / goal is the OUTCOME that I want. There are STEPS to take to achieve that goal. This is the key to getting your resolutions met.
Make them achievable by breaking them down into smaller steps. Stop. Re-read that.
This is where I see most goals or resolutions (or dreams) fail. You come up with the idea, you focus on it, you articulate it – but you also have to DO something about it. Your actions and behavior are the difference between a resolution’s bad rap and a goal’s achievement.
I’ll give you a bunch of examples to help better explain what I mean.
Example 1: If I want to run a 10k, this will take time, commitment, and probably some behavior changes. So, I pick a goal for when I want to achieve this goal and I work backwards. The amount of time it will take depends on where I’m starting. Maybe my starting point is “buy running shoes”. Maybe my starting point is make a plan to run a 3k first.
Example 2: If my resolution is to achieve my goal weight, then I have to start with the internal conversation – what am I going to do differently to get there? Will I change my diet? Will I exercise more? Will I join a weight loss center? How much am I willing to alter to achieve this goal? The answers to these questions will determine the next steps in your plan.
Example 3: If my resolution is to travel more, I need to start with picking where. Locally or abroad? Active adventure or vacation? With other people or alone? Again, these answers will impact your path. If your first thought is, I can’t afford to travel. Well, you can’t know what it may cost until you know what you want to do.
Trust me, narrowing down the focus helps the goal get achieved.
This is my process. It works for me so I hope it will work for you. I promise you it gets easier with practice!
Be Flexible and Forgiving
Achieving goals is about creating new behaviors and new habits to get you to those new outcomes. We all know you can’t get somewhere new or different by doing the same old thing (or you’d already be there)!
Be forgiving of yourself if you “mess up”. We are human and it happens. But do you know what happens RIGHT AFTER you mess up? Another moment where you can recommit and change direction. This will help keep you on track. If you take a bite of a cookie – you have a choice not to eat the whole cookie, or not eat two. If you skip exercising in the morning, you still have afternoon and evening to pick the habit back up.
And, be flexible. Life throws things at us that are unexpected.
If nothing else, 2020 pointed that out.
My resolutions and goals shifted drastically when the pandemic hit. And…that’s okay. It’s appropriate. Here’s the good news, by altering my resolutions to meet the situation, I still accomplished a lot, met my new resolutions AND I can roll over last year’s resolutions to this year – which made my resolutions SO EASY this year!
We aren’t perfect. Leave some room in your resolution plan to accommodate change.
Making resolutions and turning them into goals and actions is about taking control of our lives and our paths. If you are perfectly happy where you are and you don’t need any stinking resolutions – good for you!
If you feel stuck and want to use the reset energy of the new year to forge a new path, then just remember to revisit your resolutions and goals regularly.
If you want, I’m happy to do regular check ins with our goals so we can help each other by cheering when we achieve them or getting us unstuck if we need motivation. Let me know!!
Happy New Years, dear ones!!
