When people show you who they are the first time, believe them.
Maya Angelou
I don’t know about you, but I have a pretty thick skull. That is, I try to learn lessons but some times I have to be reminded – again, and again, and again.
For the first thirty years or so of my life, I tried to see the best in people. I tried to applaud their potential and judge them on the very best things they did. The down side to this is that I was blinded to their flaws. As those blinders were slowly peeled away in my mid-thirties and early forties, I’ll admit I was resistant to the lesson. The world is a much kinder, nicer place when you can see the best of people and not their true colors.
When I look at my life in the rear view mirror, I can see how this lesson would have side stepped a lot of heartache for me.
In Business
For some reason, I find it easier to learn and apply lessons in the business realm. It’s almost as though the information resides in a different part of my brain which is more open to recognizing patterns. I’ve had dealings with people who are – frankly – not very nice. But those people are consistently not nice. Even when they act nice, it’s merely a matter of time before they show their true colors.
This doesn’t mean that I treat people any differently. Trusting who are allows me to anticipate or prepare for their approach or reaction to business matters.
I find it extremely comforting to understand who a person is, good or bad, and deal with them from that perspective.
In Personal Interactions
Now in personal interactions, this gets exponentially harder for me to navigate. Perhaps its because my emotions get involved. I get attached to what I WANT the outcome to be. I see the best in someone – not who they actually are. I tend to trust their words about who they are, instead of their actions. And when the words and actions don’t align, I waste a lot of time trying to mentally figure out why.
But here’s the bottom line.
Trust the actions.
Always trust the actions.
The words are most often the twisted part – what they believe, what they want you to believe, what they think you want to hear, or any other myriad of reasons that people don’t speak honestly.
For some reason, learning this lesson in my personal life is akin to banging my head against a brick wall. I simply want to believe that everyone is capable of change, rationality, growth, insight, maturity, and kindness. I cannot get it through my thick skull that you have to trust who people are when they show you.
Today’s post is my own personal reminder of that. If a person consistently shows you they are capable of learning , adapting, and changing, then it’s core to who they are. I am fortunate to know a number of people like this.
But equally there are people who are simply jerks. Even when they do something that seems nice, there’s a jerk behind it with jerk motivations. A right proper bastard if you will. Sadly, I’ve run across many of these people too.
I’m realizing (and remembering) that these people can do nice things – when they want something. But when words and deeds don’t align – follow their actions. That is who they are. People who say they will show up for you but don’t. People who are unkind or self-absorbed when the opportunity to be kind is right in front of them.
I don’t know about you, but sometimes life presents the message I need to hear at the time I need to hear it. And I thought maybe the same is true for you.
Trust who people show you they are. And as Maya Angelou says – believe them the first time.
Feel free to share stories, inspirational messages that help you, or whatever you feel compelled to share with the world!
